“From scratch begin again but this time I as I and not as We. FML.”

Im gonna go ahead and send a shout out to good old Ryan Reynolds for breaking Alanis’s heart and leaving her to write the most perfect breakup album Ive had in the past decade. So full of melancholy screeches and scornful wails its made my tears stop flowing for the time being. For now Im packing up the bip boom rockin summer tunes. Back on with the folk voices of women scorned… This is the summer of my discontent. Ill prey that I be so lucky as to gain as much weight did as Alanis did after her breakup.

Freshly single and for the first time in almost forever… Im not ok with it at all.

Geez I had planned to perform as per usual when writing this infernal blog. The usual practice is to just sit down and let my inner most thoughts flow out through my fingertips. Tonight its proving more daunting. I really feel like I have failed and lost something good and rare. And all for a reason that has shaken me to my core and is causing me to rethink some of my stances on life in general and my behavior. On one side Im thinking that I am who I am and I own that and I cant be apologetic. On the other Im thinking that maybe Im totally deluded and oblivious to my surroundings. Fuck. Fuck fuckitty fuck fuck fuck.

Have my worst nightmares come true? Am I in actuality not independant and proud but just selfish and jaded and fucked up? Have those cursed years I spent  being picked on beside the tire swings deteriorated my social skills and confidance issues to the point of banishment? Am I on route to the island of lost toys just like that poor elf of so many christmases past? The easy thing is to say fuck him. And the necessary things for friends and family to say is that I am fine and I deserve better and all that. But Inside my dark apartment all by myself at 2am the truth is that I need to address these issues. As much as I want to say No No No I am a fine stand-up individual… when something like this happens a guy has gotta take a step back from pride and look at things from a clean slate. What am I doing in my life that doesnt fit in with what I want to be and accomplish?

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